In kindergarten, we received gold stars for being the teacher’s helper. In high school, we packed our schedules with sports, volunteering, and other extracurriculars to ensure that we stood out on college applications. And now as adults, we chase everything from promotions to social media likes in our quest to rise above being average.
But what’s wrong with being average? No, really. In a world inundating us with ways to optimize our lives, the word “average” can definitely carry a negative connotation. But look it up in Merriam-Webster and you’ll see the first definition is simply “being about midway between extremes.”
Though perhaps it’s the dictionary’s second definition that incites feelings of insecurity: “not out of the ordinary: common.” Regardless of your age, it’s natural to feel inadequate when headlines about 20-somethings changing the world are everywhere. But despite what many think, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel to live a life full of happiness and purpose. In fact, we’d say that it can be a whole lot more fulfilling not to.
“It’s perfectly acceptable to be someone who doesn’t ‘change the world’ but instead quietly makes their corner of it more compassionate,” licensed psychologist Sam Goldstein wrote in an inspiring piece for Psychology Today. Let’s dive into why an average life can still be a magnificent one, and how this concept can help you to find peace with your purpose, regardless of its scope.
What Being Average Does and Doesn’t Mean
The average American owes more than $100,000 in household debt, according to Motley Fool Money — and per ConsumerAffairs, they spend over four hours a day on their phone. If you’re looking purely at stats like these, it’s understandable why you may not want to embody the average.
But we’re offering a different perspective on the concept — the idea that your impact on others and your value to the world can be exceptional even if they don’t involve hitting high societal benchmarks. “Consider the teachers, janitors, nurses, drivers, cooks, and caregivers whose quiet labor keeps the world in motion,” Goldstein wrote. “They may never be recognized as household names, but their work profoundly shapes lives. They may appear ‘average’ on paper, but their impact is far from it.”
In a sense, being average can also mean accepting your insignificance, a notion that British author Oliver Burkeman calls “cosmic insignificance therapy” — the realization that “nothing I do or fail to do matters much at all,” he wrote on his website.
But Burkeman explained why that’s a good thing. “We’re subjected to endless cultural reinforcement of the idea that a meaningful life involves doing something extraordinary: putting ‘a dent in the universe,’ to quote Steve Jobs,” he said, adding, “What cosmic insignificance therapy does, though, is recalibrate the yardstick with which you measure what’s important from your perspective.”
Looking at it from this angle, being average can mean liberating yourself from both the expectations of others and the comparison trap. According to Joshua Forstenzer, University of Sheffield’s co-director of the Centre for Engaged Philosophy, people fall prey to the latter due to a “unified pseudo-metric of success” hoisted upon them, in which they feel they have to meet certain parameters set by others to be considered valuable.
“The implicit assumption is that having more ‘good things’ than others means being more valuable as a person,” he wrote for The Conversation. “These hidden assumptions usually reveal deep-seated shame — the feeling that you are not enough as you are. And that you are not entitled to set the parameters that define the success or failure of your own life.”
Now that we’ve explored what an average life can look like, let’s touch on what it doesn’t involve. It doesn’t mean that nothing you do matters from your viewpoint, and it doesn’t mean giving up on your goals or passions. Pursuing what you love, enhancing your skills, and striving for your dream life — however that may look — are all worthy endeavors. And when you accept that you may not be the next Tom Brady or Oprah Winfrey, as well as understand that even exceptional people like these are possibly mediocre in certain areas of their lives, you’re free to focus on other things — like living the way that feels best to you.
“Most celebrities are probably just as clueless about life as the people who gawk at them and follow their every move,” Mark Manson, The New York Times bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, wrote on his website. “We’re all, for the most part, pretty average people. It’s the extremes that get all of the publicity. We all kind of intuitively know this, but we rarely think and/or talk about it. The vast majority of us will never be truly exceptional at, well, anything. And that’s OK.”
How to Embrace the Beauty of an Average Life
First, it’s important to release yourself from the inclination to overachieve (easier said than done, right?). As opposed to high performers, who focus on the journey as well as their goals, overachievers tend to be driven by insecurity and are generally never happy with their accomplishments.
Often, the goals that overachievers set for themselves are impossibly high — and research shows that failing to meet a lofty, specific objective may lead to lower self-esteem (a characteristic that overachievers possess in the first place) and lower motivation.
“The pressure to constantly strive for more success can lead to burnout and stress,” Becca Smith, clinical director at teen mental health treatment center Basepoint Academy, told PsychCentral. “Society tends to equate success with wealth and status, but true happiness and fulfillment can come from personal growth, relationships, and inner contentment.”
Instead, take the time to ensure that your goals are realistic. One way to do this is by following the SMART method: outline objectives for yourself that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. You don’t necessarily have to set easy goals, just doable ones.
Then, build a well-rounded life that’s based on more than just your ambitions. According to one study, work-life balance may increase job and life satisfaction, as well as reduce anxiety and depression. A strong social life is known to positively impact our mental health, and engaging in creative activities has also been shown to boost our well-being.
And instead of comparing your life to others, measure yourself through “a new, healthier means,” Manson wrote. For instance, “the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, [and] laughing with someone you care about.”
“Sounds boring, doesn’t it?” he continued. “That’s because these things are average. But maybe they’re average for a reason. Because they’re what actually matter.”
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