Offering forgiveness to someone who’s hurt you is often easier said than done — but recent research adds to a body of evidence suggesting it can actually be a gift to yourself as well as the person you’re giving it to.
In a study published earlier this year, researchers analyzed data from more than 200,000 people across 23 countries, measuring participants at two points roughly a year apart. The research is one of the first global studies to look at the association between well-being and dispositional forgiveness, or the general tendency to forgive in various situations and over time.
The team first assessed how often people forgave others, then followed up on well-being outcomes like health, happiness, relationship quality, and financial stability.
They found the habit of forgiving was most consistently linked to better psychological and social well-being, including higher optimism, a stronger sense of life purpose, and greater relationship satisfaction. Those who forgave more readily also tended to feel more grateful and more motivated to promote good in the world.
The researchers also discovered that results varied by country. Forgiveness was linked to the most well-being outcomes in the U.S., Japan, Sweden, Brazil, the U.K., and Germany. Nations with the least numbers of outcomes included South Africa, Hong Kong, Nigeria, and Indonesia.
While the improvements in the former countries were modest, lead study author Richard Cowden said forgiveness can have a ripple effect — and it can be developed with practice.
He told PsyPost: “If we consider these findings alongside intervention studies that show forgiveness can be cultivated, strengthening people’s capacity to practice forgiveness more consistently (when safe and appropriate) may benefit well-being.”
If you’re considering forgiving someone in your own life, having a few reservations about it is understandable. We often associate forgiveness with giving others a pass for unacceptable behavior, forsaking justice, or allowing an unsafe person back into our lives. But unlike reconciliation, forgiving is actually a solo act — it simply involves releasing your own ill will toward someone.
“Forgiveness is a process that involves choosing not to seek payback, working to release resentment, and moving towards greater compassion for the person who hurt us,” Cowden explained in a recent essay for The Conversation.
A Model for Forgiveness
One way to practice forgiveness is through the REACH model, developed by study co-author Everett Worthington. The process asks you to:
Recall the hurt: Think about what happened and how it felt, then accept that you’ve been wronged, and decide to take steps to forgive anyway.
Empathize with the offender: Understanding where the other person is coming from may help kick-start the healing process. Try conducting an imaginary conversation during which you speak to yourself from the offender’s perspective.
View forgiveness as an Altruistic gift: Reflect on a time when someone generously forgave you for a wrongdoing — then, explore the idea of giving your offender that same gift.
Commit: Once you’ve truly arrived at forgiveness, write down your decision to commit to it, even if it’s as simple as “I chose to forgive ____.”
Hold onto forgiveness: When you’re doubting yourself, read your note to remember your choice to forgive.
Ready to get started? Download this free workbook designed to help people walk through the steps — and read our interview with Worthington from last year to learn more about the benefits of releasing resentment.
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